The Good Fight

Hear, O God, the prayers of all thy children everywhere: for forgiveness and healing, for courage, for faith; prayers for the needs of others; prayers for peace among the desperate nations. Whether thou givest or withholdest what we ask, whether thou answerest us in words that burn like fire or in silence that burns like fire, increase in us the knowledge that thou art always more near to us than breathing, that thy will for us is love.
And deep beneath all our asking, so deep beneath that we are all but deaf to it ourselves, hear O God, the secret song of every human heart praising thee for being what thou art, rejoicing with the morning stars that thou art our God and we thy children. Make strong and wild this secret song within until it bursts forth at last to thy glory and our saving. Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

I haven't known what to pray throughout this whole ordeal, but I read this prayer on Monday morning, just after Mom passed away. He has heard all of our prayers, and Mom fought the best and most beautiful fight of her life. She left nothing unsaid, my brother and I always knew how much she loved us and how proud of us she was. She loved my dad with all of her heart. She loved Jesus more than all of us.

As I sit here trying to write this, typing things then erasing everything and wondering how to end this blog well, there's a hummingbird hovering at my window. I kid you not. I'm pretty sure she arranged that.

I believe in Jesus more than I ever have before, because of her faith and I got to tell her that last week. Nothing was left unsaid, nothing could have been done more gracefully. She taught us to love and pray and everything falls into place from there.

Psalm 71 is God's promise to all of us who loved her.

In you, LORD, I have taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame.
In your righteousness, rescue me and deliver me;
turn your ear to me and save me.
Be my rock of refuge,
to which I can always go;
give the command to save me,
for you are my rock and my fortress.
Deliver me, my God, from the hand of the wicked,
from the grasp of those who are evil and cruel.
For you have been my hope, Sovereign LORD,
my confidence since my youth.
From birth I have relied on you;
you brought me forth from my mother’s womb.
I will ever praise you.
I have become a sign to many;
you are my strong refuge.
My mouth is filled with your praise,
declaring your splendor all day long.

Do not cast me away when I am old;
do not forsake me when my strength is gone.
For my enemies speak against me;
those who wait to kill me conspire together.
They say, “God has forsaken him;
pursue him and seize him,
for no one will rescue him.”
Do not be far from me, my God;
come quickly, God, to help me.
May my accusers perish in shame;
may those who want to harm me
be covered with scorn and disgrace.

As for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more.

My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds,
of your saving acts all day long—
though I know not how to relate them all.
I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, Sovereign LORD;
I will proclaim your righteous deeds, yours alone.
Since my youth, God, you have taught me,
and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.
Even when I am old and gray,
do not forsake me, my God,
till I declare your power to the next generation,
your mighty acts to all who are to come.

Your righteousness, God, reaches to the heavens,
you who have done great things.
Who is like you, God?
Though you have made me see troubles,
many and bitter,
you will restore my life again;
from the depths of the earth
you will again bring me up.
You will increase my honor
and comfort me once more.

I will praise you with the harp
for your faithfulness, my God;
I will sing praise to you with the lyre,
Holy One of Israel.
My lips will shout for joy
when I sing praise to you—
I whom you have delivered.
My tongue will tell of your righteous acts
all day long,
for those who wanted to harm me
have been put to shame and confusion.

Amen.

Ain't no mountain high enough

Hey it's Lauren here. It's been a while since I wrote on here, but that's because mom was doing a great job taking care of the blog herself, wouldn't you say? Today she will be dictating.... but first I will tell you what's going on.

About 48 hours ago we showed up at Eastside Medical Center for the weekly visit to the oncologist for chemo. After seeing the doctor, he wanted to admit her immediately to get an MRI and CT scan to make sure the cancer had not spread to certain other areas, and after running these tests it was not found in those areas. We are still waiting for a few more test results and will find out tomorrow (most likely?).

As for today, mom just got some of the fluid drained that was around her lungs to help her breathe better, and now she's resting. We're waiting on her sisters to come deliver some Puerto Rican delicacies and then maybe we'll dance around to some salsa music for the rest of the day. Probably not, the room is entirely too small.

Mom wants to thank everyone who has been praying for all of us. For reaching out to Terry and me and Tom. For the letters, cards, visits, flowers and encouragement.

I'm thankful for all of you too and I would just ask for you all to continue praying. Psalm 91 is still our prayer through all of this.

And bring us some coffee cause it's terrible here.

Hopeful

I am tired, I am sad but I am hopeful. This sickness drags me down and tries to stump me but I remain strong with the help of the Holy Spirit.
Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for him. Psalm 37:7 Wait? Who likes to wait? I pray and read but I don’t want to bother God. Whose lie is that? Deep down inside I know he doesn’t mind my interruptions because they are not. He calls me to pray about anything. I am so grateful for His faithfulness. Sometimes I ask Him if He’s there and sweet as he is and responds in His own unique way. For example this morning He sent as swift breeze. The birds are around but quiet as I open the bible to Psalm 42 …God why have you forsaken me? Why must I go about mourning and oppressed by the enemy?

We don’t have to. I know we may stumble but we must remember that He wants to make us smile and fill us with His joy. As I read His promises in Psalm 91, it makes me smile: “I dwell in the shelter of the Most High. I will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust. Surely He will save me from the fowler’s snare and the deadly pestilence.” WOW! What a promise. He will get me through these difficulties and cover me with his feathers and under His wings I will find refuge. How beautiful!

hummingbirds

This morning I’m on my way to the Urologist, Can’t shake this abdominal pain. I think it’s an infection, we’ll see. This chili morning I went out with my very strong coffee to enjoy the hummingbirds. There were at least six of them. They were so fast I couldn’t keep track of them. I wish I could be that fast. Maybe someday.

These days I am short of breath and I have to make Terry and Lauren slow down so I can keep up with them. It is not that slow so don’t worry but for someone as active as I am, it’s a little disconcerting. Yet I know Christ walks by my side.

No side effects from chemo, just the usual fatigue.

Hummingbirds are super fast and drink a lot of sugar water. I wish for tiny bit of their speed (but just a tiny bit), otherwise I’d be running into the windows all the time. I’ve seen them do it and it surprising they don’t die, they simply fly up to the nearest branches for recovery. I think we run into “windows” at times because we are trying to do too much.

Back when I was a kid my father had a car, but we didn’t go anywhere unless he wanted to go. I’m sure there were times when some of us got to go with him. And when I didn’t get to go I would be sad and a bit angry because since I was the oldest girl, I had to baby sit. Rrg! I felt trapped. I did have fun with my siblings but preferred to be out and about. Some of you know I love to travel, especially missionary work.

Our church took several trips with the youth and I always wanted to go. I did go in a few trips but had to step back a few times to allow others to join in the work with the church youth. But I missed it dearly. My desire during those trips was to encourage our young people to grow in their faith and humility. They were wonderful young people. I’m so proud of them. It was exhausting work but very fulfilling. Sometimes, when I was very tired I would read up on Psalms 121:
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

Even when we take our eyes off of Him, the Lord watches of us, He is our hope and keeps us from all harm both now and forever more. Isn’t that great?!

As per the hummingbirds, when I get to heaven, I’m going to ask for wings or maybe a friendly eagle to fly me around. I don’t want to fly as fast as the hummingbirds because I may crash into one of the mansions windows (you know they say there will mansions in heaven. Correct me if I'm wrong. :) Will there be planets and stars left, then, I want to fly by and check them out. Yet it won’t matter, heaven will be enough.

Samuel

I was reading about little Samuel hearing the voice of God but not knowing who it was. When he heard the voice but didn’t see anyone, he went to Eli for guidance. Eli, old and tired, sent the little boy back to bed.

After a while Eli realized God was calling little Samuel and finally gave the little boy some advise. I think there are many Samuel’s out there looking for guidance from adults they respect. But sometimes we’re too busy and tired.

This also applies to prayer. As believers, we need to seek someone we trust to pray for and with us, so this means we must trust each other.
Little Samuel went to Eli for help and guidance. Eli was too tired and sent him away. Little Samuel kept hearing a voice and kept coming back to Eli until Eli realized what was going on. I think if Eli had taken the boy and prayed with him at that very moment things would have gone much better, especially for Eli.

As believers, we need to rely on each other for strength. We need to pray and encourage one another, in confidence. We must pray as a church body and for one another individually.

Like little Samuel there might be someone, chosen by God, to deliver a message and asking for your prayers and advice. We need to be receptive to this. I love it when young people share their needs with me. I always try to see them through God’s eyes and motivate them to seek Him through prayer. Holy Spirit will always inspire them and us if we are willing.

I’m seeing a movement among our youth and we must be receptive to this. God wants to do something big with our youth. Let’s unite in prayer for His will for this generation. Ask Him to give us a willing heart and eyes to see them through His precious eyes.
Let’s look at our young ones through Jesus’ eyes. Some may be like Samuel, hearing a voice calling them. Some may try looking for guidance once, maybe twice. But some may give up after the first time. Let’s keep our eyes open and be more willing to listen and pray with these people. I know we will see so much potential. It is exciting to know God is at work in our youth.

hiding

No squirrels or birds out this morning. It's cloudy and it looks like rain. It;s like they are there but do not want to be seen. Maybe hiding from me. Maybe they are growing tired of this human sitting on the back porch watching them eat and go about their business. I would!

Do you ever have days like this? You are there but don't want to be seen? When I was a kid and didn't want to be seen, especially by my father. I would hide in my room and under the bed or the closet. Then I would try really hard to think of the good times I've had at my aunt Margo's house. She was kind enough to let me stay with her during the summer breaks. There were no kids at her house to play with but I actually enjoyed the quiet surroundings. When you have so many siblings (there were 7 of us) you are fortunate enough to have someone to play with but when you wanted to be alone, there was simply nowhere to hide.

But as I learned later when I became a christian. There is no way I could ever be alone. I learned that Jesus was always with me. He doesn't play hide and seek because he knows where you are going to hide. Cute.

Today I don't want to hide, like the squirrels. Today I would love to sit in my Fathers' lap. You know, like a little toddler, climb onto His lap, wrap my arms around Him and talk with Him. Do you ever have days like this?

Blessings

The strain of life is what builds our strength. If there is no strain, there will be no strength. Are you asking God to give you life, liberty, and joy? He cannot, unless you are willing to accept the strain. And once you face the strain, you will immediately get the strength. Oswald Chambers.

Tough week for me. But I’m grateful that Terry’s family came over for a few days. I thank you for your prayers so much! God is good and faithful and when we least expected he’ll send a blessing. My health has been up and down. I’ve been tired and my eyes have given me a little trouble. So I can’t walk too far (I’m using the treadmill). So I have to hang on to the arms on the treadmill which makes me feel weak and old . So I walk ten minutes, slow down a bit and then pick up speed again. My goal is 30 minutes and so far I’ve been able to do so. You guys are thinking I’m nuts, but its fun. I take my time and listen to Christian music or watch a favorite show.

I’ve visited the oncologist yesterday for chemo. Now you guys are wondering. What? Chemo, again? Well, I’m sorry for the misunderstanding. I am done with head chemo for a while. Apparently no cancer cells showed in the last lab work they did of my head. YAY! So that means that Dr. F feels we can take a brake from the head chemo and work on the rest of my body. So now we will do weekly chemo. If you have any questions, please let me know, but right now I need to walk while I have some energy. Thanks again for your prayers


Blessings to you all,
Doris

ps:My sisters came to visit yesterday and it was fun having them here. They make me laugh. Thank God for blessings like family.